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And for the couchdb issue:
I change the bind_address in /etc/couchdb/default.ini to the droplets private IP address, so now I can access couch from the other droplet. I tried to curl the droplet from my local computer and could not access couch as desired.
To answer the ping part of my question. One of the droplets was made before I selected enable private networking and as such I hadn’t followed the guide properly to set up the interfaces.
I can now ping the droplets via their private ip addresses. Still no luck on access to couchdb, though. https://www.digitalocean.com/community/tutorials/how-to-enable-digitalocean-private-networking-on-existing-droplets